The News...& some personal info

Well its true. I'm pregnant! The new addition is due around May 15th....just in time for Daddies Birthday. Victoria said she wouldn't mind sharing May, or her day (the 23rd) either but I'd prefer earlier than later.

May is already BUSY....but the timing isn't really up to us. Which always brings up a couple of touchy subjects. However I will deal with them now and get over it. Maybe forever.

If you always wanted the dirt on my reproductive life, then here goes!

Why do we have the gaps between our children that we have?
If you didn't already know our pattern goes as such:
Victoria.....5 years....Brooklyn.....4 years.....Isabella.....almost 3 years (33.5 months).....NEW BABY!!!

Well, truth be told, the gap between Victoria & Brooklyn was truly unavoidable. Oh you didn't know? I was a single mom for a while, finally found true love (& gosh darn it he looked smokin' in uniform), got married, & then we got pregnant. Our first pregnancy together resulted in a miscarriage. Nothing to serious or scarey, but still disappointing & devastating. It only took a few more months & Brooklyn was conceived & then born in San Diego CA.

(Jesse has since adopted Victoria...and most people don't even realize it till they figure out that shes older than our anniversary & Jesse served a mission in Argentina while she was being born!)

Between Brooklyn & Isabella the 4 year gap was not by choice. Jesse got out of the USMC and we moved to Colorado. We stayed in CO for 20 months before heading home to Cali. We lived in Jesses parents home while they were on their mission, managed to get pregnant, got into a serious accident & miscarried. It was during my 11 day hospital stay & 3 surgeries later. To be honest that baby probably didn't stand a chance with the impact (literally) & then of course the very strong drugs & anesthesia racing through my system. My recovery went pretty well. I was in a wheel chair for 6 weeks, then used a walker for 6 more. Sometime in there my in-laws returned & we moved in with friends, mostly because I am (more so then) a not so humble & rather prideful, OCD, control freak. We'll leave it at that. During the end of my recovery I managed to get pregnant with Isabella.

Lets get this out there since you'll occasionally hear it be mentioned...but its still sort-of a hush hush thing. Isabella was a triplet. She was not alone at conception, but was at birth. There is an ultrasound picture in my file at my obgyn's office from 6 weeks where 3 fertilized "ovums" are visible. Around 7 weeks there were complications & I miscarried 2 of the 3 babies. Isabella...the strong little bugger, managed to hang on and we found out at 12 weeks we were still expecting. At 20ish weeks we found out it was just one little girl. Now I wouldn't bring it up, but everyone knows how tiny Bella is. She has a few allergies, but is perfectly healthy. After much debate & prayer I've decided that her siblings from conception are what is missing. If she was part of 3, then there would have been good reason for her to be so much smaller. Right? Her Dr is convinced this can't be the case, but I am not.

Anyways now between Isabella & Baby #4....33.5 months....can we just call it 3 years? (Good its close enough.) Why so much time? Well we didn't want babies 4-5 years apart anymore. We want a "larger" family, but would prefer 2-3 year gaps between kiddos. Anyways, because there have been multiple miscarriages, struggles & lots of Drs appointments there will now be 3 years between these 2. Its pretty simple. We haven't prevented anything from happening since Isabella was born.

So whats wrong with me?
The long story short.....
They cannot determine why I miscarry. I just do. Yes I've seen an RE....Reproductive Endocrinologist.

The long story, longer......
They've ultrasound-ed every female part of me possible. I've been told its all gorgeous. haha. Thanks Dr!

They've run blood tests of every single variety. Luckily it was determined that I do not have any form of Hemophilia or Thrombophilia, which oddly my sister in law does. (I do not envy her one bit. The Lovenox shots I had to take for 3 weeks after the accident were enough for me. I'm not sure I could deal with twice a day for 9ish months.) My thyroid is fine. Etc, Etc.

My uterus is slightly tilted...which doesn't prevent anything.

Several doctors would LOVE to blame it all on my weight. Sorry guys, I'm a bigger girl...but I've seen much bigger women get pregnant! Weight isn't always the answer. Although now I've lost 30lbs in the past 5 months prior to getting pregnant. I even gave up all soda products (caffeinated, bubbly, anything & everything) All for not? I eat healthier now, take my vitamins, exercise, etc.

Hormones? Possibly. We've never subjected me to the gamete of a full months (or more) worth of pokes to determine daily hormone levels, etc. The minimal hormone levels they can pull in a CBC + is what they know about.

High Blood Pressure??? I have never had HBP issues while not pregnant. However, during my pregnancies it typically is something we have to watch quite carefully. BUT....After giving birth to Bella my BP has been significantly higher than it was during my non-pregnant state ever before. I had been medicated for several months....and changed a few nasty habits. Its dropped to within a good range, we weaned me off the meds & my BP is doing fine! So could this have played a roll in the last 33 months? Sure. Would the Drs say "Yes" or "No" this is or isn't causing your miscarriages. No. So Hmmmm???

They know my cycle is regularly irregular (like that?) & suspected 2 things. 1- I possibly have a shortened luteal phase. Which means the baby/ovum doesn't have a chance to attach securely to my uterus lining before my next cycle comes around. 2- I might have a slightly incompetent cervix...meaning it doesn't like to stay closed when it should stay closed once I'm pregnant. Everybody likes to be called incompetent right?? They can't determine this unless timing is perfect for appointments, etc.

So why do you wait to till people you are pregnant?
I'm more of a suffer in silence sort of person. I feel its more of a husband & wife sort of thing to deal with. If something bad happens (which with us usually happens before 8 weeks) we keep it personal. We typically announce our pregnancies anytime after 10 weeks. Last time we waited till after the 12 week mark because thats when my 2nd Drs appointment was. This time we announced between 10 & 11 weeks because I'm feeling really good.

Do you use Birth Control?
Me personally NO. I no longer can.

I've previously used 3 different forms of birth control at some given point in my life & each one totally & completely jacks me up in some form or another. It screws with my hormone levels, makes me gain weight, makes horrible female things happen, turns me into a raging lunatic monster, causes tremendous pain OR elevates my blood pressure. Elevated BP being one of the worse results. There are more reasons why not & why I can't....but its a long, long post.

So in turn I'll finish this blog by summing up what we have determined...
The gaps are Heavenly Fathers way of keeping me sane.
Its also kept our marriage a bit in check. We pray together more & my hubby has become much more "in tune" with my needs than ever before.
When its time, then its time. All things will happen in Gods time, not ours.
Despite how much dealing with secondary infertility sucks, I know that we'll be strengthened by my struggles.
We strongly believe Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us.
We have received confirmation in the temple & through prayer that we will have more children.
We even know through that confirmation that we'll have a boy at some point.
We also strongly believe that we will be told that its time to stop in the same manner we were told to keep trying.